i think my tv is drunk
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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