Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
