I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
