I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
