i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have post one night stand depression
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