chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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