I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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