Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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