On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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