the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
