Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
