It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
