just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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