ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
