Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
