It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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