I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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