you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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