I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
