If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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