I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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