I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
