so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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