i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
