Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.

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  (818): I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off. http://tfl.nu/7sly
  Replies (27) Good night (629) Bad night (4122)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.

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  (512): Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor. http://tfl.nu/9a3p
  Replies (17) Good night (6946) Bad night (1612)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.

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  (615): Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift. http://tfl.nu/yqhq
  Replies (8) Good night (2424) Bad night (1014)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?

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  (+44): I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone? http://tfl.nu/7opu
  Replies (4) Good night (2435) Bad night (1007)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.

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  (919): I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping. http://tfl.nu/iyfp
  Replies (10) Good night (2072) Bad night (1186)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.

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  (717): i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me. http://tfl.nu/i878
  Replies (7) Good night (1330) Bad night (749)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts

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  (281): I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts http://tfl.nu/b2dg
  Replies (1) Good night (930) Bad night (779)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.

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  (479): Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom. http://tfl.nu/7rpj
  Replies (7) Good night (3045) Bad night (735)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Be safe. And I hate you.

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  (404): Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND! (1-404): Be safe. And I hate you. http://tfl.nu/32xo
  Replies (3) Good night (1243) Bad night (358)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.

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  (317): I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe. http://tfl.nu/1bo6
  Replies (2) Good night (601) Bad night (383)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.

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  (817): I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult. http://tfl.nu/nj2j
  Replies (4) Good night (512) Bad night (884)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?

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  (903): How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing? http://tfl.nu/tt7s
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (297)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?

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  (662): Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you? http://tfl.nu/ngi1
  Replies (1) Good night (576) Bad night (308)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do

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  (608): Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do http://tfl.nu/pe9f
  Replies (0) Good night (461) Bad night (250)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"

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  (323): Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?" http://tfl.nu/dewe
  Replies (4) Good night (1274) Bad night (519)

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