if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him