11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.