i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
