It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?