allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??