Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
