I wanna bring you to show and tell
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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