No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
