Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to