so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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