I didn't shave. On purpose
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
