I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
