My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
