If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
