DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
