I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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