i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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