Plan B is the new Plan A
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
