i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
