I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Panties = found
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
