I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
