Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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