I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
