He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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