I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
