I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
