so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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