you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
