My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
