I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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