I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
