you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
