I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
