hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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