idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
