You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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