after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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