Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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