If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
