If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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