I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
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Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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