Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
