1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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