This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
