just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
