but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
