remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
