That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
