And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
