i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
