The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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