A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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