I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was like eating out sand paper
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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