I hate all girls vehemently.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
