I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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