All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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