we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize