I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
