1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
