Its about making memories worth repressing
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
