is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
