nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
