all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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