need another drink. this is the easiest way
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
