my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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