So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize