then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
