my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.