I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
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So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.