Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dating After Heartbreak
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.