so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
barbara walters just said penis...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.